“We’re Living It”

I had an epiphany recently and it’s fitting that I write this post while sitting on a bus en route to NYC for a girls night away with my cousin.

My entire life, I’ve been a planner. I like to be organized. I like my calendar and meticulously checking off items on my {ahem, several} To Do lists. I simply like when things are in their place and I’m being productive.

Along with this love of planning and calendars, I’ve been a big fan of making sure I always have something out of the usual on my schedule to look forward to. In my single years, if there wasn’t anything exciting coming up, I would purchase concert tickets, plan to visit a friend who lived far away or register for a long race and start my running schedule. The day to day felt tedious and I was just wishing them away until the next exciting event.

Anyhow, this trip to NYC has been planned for about 4 months. It has been on my mind a lot. I’ve been thinking about how my family will do while I’m gone, how I’m going to get there, what I’ll wear and what the weather will be like. Ironically, our big plan is to have no plan. Since we’re both moms of 3, we just want 2 days with no naps or snack times to work around, no pee stops every hour for 3 year old bladders, and no restaurants off limits due to quiet atmospheres or a lack of chicken nuggets and french fries.  We’re even going to pop into line at Times Square and get tickets to any show – whatever one strikes us and fits the budget. I have literally been looking forward to my plan of being spontaneous! HA!

Meanwhile, over the course of these months of planning, my 18 month old has mastered the stairs and is saying a new word almost every day. My 3 year old actually brushes her teeth well and learned to write her own name. My 4 year old is growing an inch a day (at least that’s what it feels like) and comes out with these questions that make me marvel at what’s going on his little brain.

Back to the epiphany. As all of this information was whirling around in my head one day, I just had a moment at the kitchen table during dinner. I stopped what I was doing, started to cry, and just thought, “This is it! We’re living it right now. We’re living what I was ultimately looking forward to my whole life.” Tiny, sticky hands wrapping themselves around my neck. Toddlers playing so well one minute and then in an all out war the next. A husband who is happy to come home and would rather be with us 4 crazy people than anyone else.

I am no longer living in this world of selfishness where I need something fun on my calendar in order to get through the most mundane of Mondays. Today. Now. We’re living it now. I’m living it when my baby sleeps in my arms at the beach. I’m living it when my 3 year old learns to say “yellow” instead of “lellow”. I’m living it when my 4 year old tries to pour his own cereal and spills it on the floor.

This doesn’t mean that I’m not still going to schedule fun things and look forward to them. It also doesn’t mean I won’t be excited about being done with diapers or having an empty house for a few hours when they all go to school. It just means I can look forward to the future while enjoying the beauty and mess of the stage we’re in. It ultimately means there’s just more of life to enjoy. The typical everyday-ness as well as the out of the ordinary adventures.

This might sound silly to some of you who have never struggled with living in the moment, but now every once in awhile I look at my cluttered house and my loud kids, turn to my husband and say, “We’re living it.” He knows what I mean and we just stop what we’re doing and soak in our boring, mundane, sleep-deprived, beautiful life.


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